Friday, March 8, 2019

Eric the slime

Once upon a time, a slime named Eric was born. This made poor Eric very confused. Eric had memories of being a human in a world where slimes did not exist, except in fictional stories about fantasy worlds.

What kind of nonsense is this? Complained, Eric. Sadly, as Eric had yet to learn how to speak, these words were mere thoughts trapped within his empty head.

Hey! Don’t insult me! It seems poor Eric has even begun imagining insults despite no one talking to him.

I hear you just fine you damn narrator!

... You aren’t supposed to break the fourth wall like that. In fact, you aren’t supposed to hear me at all. How are you doing this?

Don’t ask me, I didn’t make the rules.

*sigh* well, lets take a look at your stats then.

Name: Eric
Monster: Slime
XP: 3
STR: 1
VIT: 1
DEX: 1
AGI: 1
INT: 1
WIS: 1

Traits:

Oh shit, that’s a TV tropes link! Don’t click it!

Who the hell is gonna click… oh, huh, neat…

Eric promptly got lost browsing TV tropes, despite being warned not to look.

Friday, March 1, 2019

MCGA

Why me?

We needed someone incorruptible.

Are there not plenty of others?

Well... honestly, we need someone with plenty of free time. Finding someone with the right traits that isn't otherwise employed is rather difficult.

--- And thus begins the adventures of Magical Warrior Alex.

Just say the words, and the amulet will transform you into the best form for you to do battle in.

Reveal my destiny, transform!... why did it make me a catgirl? A nude catgirl? I'm pretty sure I was fully clothed when I said the words, and I was definitely male.

The amulet knows you better than you know yourself and chose a form most appropriate for you. You'll see. I'll take you to the fight now.

--- And thus begins the first fight of Magical Catgirl Alex.

What? Hey! Tossing me into a mass of tentacles isn't a great way to show me what to do!

You're doing great! You've already got its attention and now just need to exhaust its power!

How am I supposed to do that? Mmmph! mmmm... mmph! (It's fucking me in every hole now! I can't do anything but take it, 'cause it's way stronger than me! Is this supposed to happen?)

--- And thus begins the fucking of Magical Catgirl Alex.

Haa, haa, is that how it's supposed to go?

While I admit that it's not how past warriors have dealt with dark realm invaders, it's normal for each warrior to have their own unique methods.

And mine for some reason is to get fucked silly until they are too exhausted to remain in this world.

It seemed highly effective. The amulet makes use of a person's deepest wishes to manifest a power that suits the wielder best. It seems clear to me that you are someone who wishes to bring happiness to others, even your enemies. Are you unsatisfied?

... no, I suppose I'm not. Just confused. If that really is all I have to do, I can't complain. It's just, weird. At least I don't have to clean up afterwards, since all the mess vanishes with them. (and it did feel really good)

--- And thus begins the enjoyment of Magical Sextoy Catgirl Alex.

Why are there videos of me on porn sites? I thought magical beings weren’t supposed to be visible?

In order to fight, the magic must anchor the creature in reality more thoroughly, so all participants in a magic battle become visible for the duration. Plus, you clearly enjoy the videos, you’ve watched every one you can find.

… they’re hot.

--- And thus begins the embarrassment of Magical Pornstar Catgirl Alex.